Catherine Havrisko Myers

Catherine Havrisko Myers was born on October 13th, 1954, at Morristown Regional Hospital, in Morristown, NJ. Her mother, Juliette Antoinette Boissiere, was a first generation immigrant from France, and her father, Michael Havrisko was a 2nd generation immigrant of Ukrainian descent. She was the eldest of 5 children, followed by Michael, Richard, Mary and Theresa Havrisko.

Cathy was a relentless provider of loving care for children, family, and community, as well as a determined advocate for the value of caretaking work to be recognized as fully as traditional paid work. She carried an enormous amount of joy within her, and it shined the most when she was around children. Watching delight and enthusiasm light up Cathy’s face as children (related or not) ran to tell her their latest accomplishment, escapade, or awful joke was infectious. Her enjoyment made us all more joyful and skilled parents and caregivers.

Anyone that entered into Cathy’s orbit could not help but be deeply impacted by her love, compassion, empathy, independence of thought, curiosity and determination. She died with a full to-do list, but therein lies the beautiful kernel of truth about her - she never stopped learning and dreaming about the world and working to change it. Cathy was interested, which is one of the very best things you can be in this life. She was most interested in humanity, both broadly and on an individual, personal level. If you spoke to her for more than a few moments, she likely skipped the small talk and moved right on to asking intentional questions about your life. She was humorously atrocious at remembering faces, and not the best with names, but she could remember small, important details about an incredible number of people and loved making connections of all kinds, between people and ideas.

Cathy was passionate about learning. She never took a break from serious deep dives on the topics that most interested her, and her lifelong self-directed study gave her the confidence to walk her own path in life. From deciding to give birth at home, to homeschooling her children, to creating her own self-directed major and graduating 30 years after she took a break from college, to moving into a co-housing development, she was never afraid to go against the mainstream if she had the evidence and intuition to go a different way.

Cathy was a relentless provider of care - for children, family and community, as well as a determined advocate for the value of caretaking work to be recognized as fully as traditional, paid work. Her fierce and deep sense of empathy was a thread that connected her with many people throughout her life; she provided selflessly for many family members and friends, opening her house and giving her time and energy to support them and contribute to their growth and success. Cathy cared for both her own parents and her in-laws during their last years, contributing untold hours of work to helping them through their transitions.

Cathy carried an enormous amount of joy within her, and it shined the most when she was around children. Children immediately recognized and reflected her caring, joy and curiosity, and watching their faces light up with her is something that we will all miss terribly.

Cathy’s childhood was spent in Denville, NJ. Her father Michael often worked several jobs to make ends meet, and her mother Juliette was a stay-at-home mother who didn’t drive, limiting their after school entertainment options to neighborhood games. She often helped her mother with the duties of maintaining a busy household, and fondly recounted joining in the sandlot games of baseball and “run the bases” with her younger brothers while she was tasked with supervising them. Ice skating at the local ponds in the winter, riding her bike, were favorite childhood activities. She convinced her parents to accept her skipping Sunday church to go to the laundromat with her father, where she reveled in the opportunity to read the NY Times and bond with her father.

As a young woman growing up in the 1960’s, she was often frustrated by the lack of opportunities available to her. One of many slights she recounted was wanting to take shop class in school, and being told that it “wasn’t for girls”. This frustration would go on to inform her later focus on fighting for respect and equality for women and caregivers. A bright student, she was also chronically bored with classes that didn’t challenge her intellect, which went on to influence her choice to homeschool her children.

Cathy began studying music at school around age 10. She first gravitated towards trumpet, but was stymied by her mother’s opinion the trumpet was a “boys” instrument, and was redirected to the clarinet. Despite her irritation at not being allowed to pick the trumpet, she quickly became enamored with the process of learning music. It offered her a chance to flex and challenge her mind, as well as offering an after school option to socialize and spend more time outside of her small, bustling home full of siblings and responsibilities. She excelled at the clarinet, and became the section lead, then drum major in her high school. A volunteer opportunity during her high school years to play at a school for the blind sparked an interest in music therapy, and after graduating from Morris Knolls High School in 1973, she enrolled at Michigan State University with a major in music therapy.

During her sophomore year break from school, on January 1st, 1975 she accepted an invitation from a friend to go ice skating, and met a young musician from California, Fred Myers, then a student at The Juilliard School in NYC. During the summer of ‘75, Cathy took a job in NYC, and Fred began bringing her regular offerings of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made on his homemade bread. After a whirlwind summer romance, neither wanted to be separated, and they decided to get married and live together in NYC, pausing Cathy’s college studies. They married on September 14, 1975 in the backyard of Michael and Juliette’s house in Denville, NJ.

In January 1979, Fred accepted a job with the Orchestra of the state of Mexico in Toluca, Mexico. Fred and Cathy made the drive from Denville to Toluca in a 1977 Toyota with 14 well packed boxes, and two cats. On September 30th, 1980, their first child, Scott Andrew Myers was born at home in Toluca. In summer 1982, they moved back to NJ and into the home of Cathy’s parents, and on October 17th, 1982, Michelle Anna Myers was born. In 1984, Fred, now in the computer industry, was offered a job in Northern Virginia, and the family moved to Falls Church, Virginia. In 1984 Cathy met fellow mom Joanne Stasio at a local park and thus began a life-long friendship between their families.

Influenced by the work of author John Holt, and informed by her own unhappy experience in school, Cathy decided to homeschool Michelle and Scott beginning in 1987. Homeschooling involved a huge amount of labor and organization on her part, particularly in the pre-internet era. Beyond studies at home, homeschooling consisted of regular outings to the multitude of museums in Washington, DC, organized writing and sports clubs, and regular outings and collaboration with fellow homeschooling mom and lifelong friend Lee Scharf, who lived on a 100+ acre farm in the Shenandoah Valley. Jan Myers, Fred’s mother, and an accomplished artist, lived nearby in Potomac Maryland and contributed regular art instruction for the kids as well as welcome companionship - Cathy loved Jan deeply.

In 1986, Cathy began working with a small non-profit called Mothers at Home, publishing a newsletter providing resources and advocacy for at-home parents. That organization later became “Family and Home Network” (FAHN), where she continued her work supporting the importance of child-rearing and advocating for inclusive family policy throughout her life. Her work included developing and managing a website full of information for parents that the organization had collected over the years. In 2002 Cathy and a FAHN colleague met with the Child Care Bureau, where they urged the CCB to reach out to more parents about how to spend more time with their children. The CCB agreed to create and publish a brochure, Cathy wrote the draft concept and contents, and the guide Accessing Support for All Families was published.

In 2005, she enrolled at George Mason University, completing her long-interrupted studies. She earned a bachelor’s degree in Individualized Study, with a focus on Human Development, Parenting and Policy, graduating in 2012.

In 2014, Fred and Cathy moved to Durham, NC, where Michelle had settled, purchasing a house in Eno Commons co-housing community, where Cathy quickly involved herself in the community’s ongoing efforts to maintain a thriving, collaborative community.

While in Durham, Cathy continued her education and advocacy work with FAHN and beyond, and in 2018 she was extremely proud to travel to Washington DC to join the Women Disobey march, an organized action against the cruel family separations being carried out via federal immigration policies. Cathy was among the participants that proceeded to the Hart Senate Office Building, where she was one of 630 protestors arrested. In 2025, Cathy earned a certification as a Nesting Ambassador, the culmination of her studies within The Evolved Nest Initiative, a comprehensive worldview created by Dr. Darcia Narvaez and Lisa Regan that seeks to reconnect our child rearing principles with nature and ancient holistic practice.

Cathy died on September 5, 2026, of an aggressive and fast moving cancer. She passed away peacefully at her home in Eno Commons, with her children, husband and daughter-in-law holding her hands and speaking their love to her as she took her last breaths. She is survived by her husband, Fred Myers; her daughter Michelle Vanderwalker; son Scott Myers and daughter-in-law Aline de Souza Myers; as well as four grandchildren: Fray Donahoe (20); Theodore Donahoe (16); Rafael De Souza-Myers (9); and Claude Vanderwalker (3). The amount of teaching, playing, correcting, consoling and providing for the grandchildren that she contributed will be terribly missed. Throughout her sickness she showed bravery, humor and leadership, shepherding us through one last teaching moment while also enjoying the normal family noise and chaos continuing around her. The hole that she leaves behind in the fabric of our lives feels immeasurable, and immense. We will remember Cathy fondly and often as we care for, nurture, and enjoy our own children and our communities.